Appleboys Podcast

Picture this: our very own Rob found himself in an unexpected, and rather uncomfortable, situation with a drunk man accusing them of having cocaine. Stay tuned to hear how he handled this bizarre encounter and why someone just back from the military would be asking for drugs.

And we can’t forget our hilarious “Life Hacks” segment! This time, we’re discussing the art of buying air filters and a sneaky trick to get a backup without raising any eyebrows. You won’t want to miss this one!

And finally, we’re thrilled to announce that tonight’s episode is dedicated to our incredible founder patron, Michael. We are beyond grateful for his support and his fantastic topic suggestions, which will lead us into a lively discussion about the legendary advice column, “Dear Abby.”

So buckle up, dear listeners, because tonight’s episode will take you on a rollercoaster of laughter, unexpected stories, and thought-provoking conversations. We hope you enjoy these tales and insights as much as we enjoy sharing them with you. Without further ado, let’s dive into the wacky world of the Appleboys Podcast!

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Website: https://www.appleboys.us/

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Don’t forget to like, subscribe, turn on notifications, comment, interact with us on social media and Discord, and share with your friends! Happy Tonight!

Transcript
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Aren't you tired of boring and predictable

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podcasts? Remember the movie Groundhog Day? The

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only thing predictable about this show is that we're guzzling

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booze count on.

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This is the Apple Boys podcast.

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Appleboys us if it's NFTs

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music festivals, sporting events, strip clubs, current

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events, or masturbation techniques.

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Did I read that right there's? More

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than hmm. Fueled by,

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but not sponsored by Miller Light. This is

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the Apple Boys podcast. Now your hosts,

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Josh, Corey, Rob, and

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Jimmy. Rob has issues.

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Just saying, bro.

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What's up, everybody? It's Josh with the Apple Boys podcast.

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I'm here this evening with all of the Apple Boys. What's up,

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Corey? I am become death, destroyer of

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worlds. Ah. For those are

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not in the know. That is an oppenheimer reference. Hello?

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Midnight smoker. Rob. Hey, what's up? It's Rob.

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I'm here. Glad that you're here.

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I'm the midnight smoker. Glad that you got

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that blue and pink lighting situation going on the background. Jimmy

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said it looks like you're having a gender reveal behind you on the camera.

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It's true when he said it before. Results not

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conclusive. Speaking of, Jimmy back

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for a third week in a row. Let's fucking go. What's up,

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Jimmy? I am back for a third week in a row. Let's fucking go,

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man. Rob made a face just now where I thought he

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clicked a button on his webcam and it put a filter on because his

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face distorted that much, but it was just his natural

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ability that was

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just amazing. I don't even have words. He's very Shark Week,

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and it reminded me of when a great white shark attacks.

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Yeah, that was my nickname in high school. He probably learned from his cat.

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Shark Attacks was your nickname in high?

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Cool. Cool. Kind of lame, not going to lie.

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All right, so here's the plan, which the

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three of you are not fully in the loop about. Tonight's

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episode is dedicated to

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our founder patron, Michael. So thank you

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for your continued support, Michael. One of the benefits of

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being a founder tier or VIP tier patron

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is priority topic requests.

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And Mike threw some pretty good ideas up in our

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discord in his private founder channel. And for

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tonight's episode, we are going to do do you guys remember

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the old column Dear Abby? I do not.

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I am 25 years old.

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No, not really. Are you guys serious? Yes. I know what Dear

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Abby is. Okay, well, Jimmy, for your generation, do you

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know what Yahoo. Questions was? I do.

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Yeah. I used to use that shit all the time. I would type in, like,

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what's a condom? And other things like

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that when I was, like, ten years old. How was that the first one that

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comes to mind? That is a perfect segue into what we're going to do

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tonight. So Dear Abby was the precursor to Yahoo

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questions and Quora and all that stuff? So

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basically, there was a columnist at the newspaper

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named Abby, and newspaper readers would write into the newspaper

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with questions and she would answer them in the column for everyone to

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hear. So for tonight, I am going to be

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what was that look for, Corey? For everyone to

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hear. Read. Whatever. It's like

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the viewer thing with Jimmy. Shut the fuck up. It's like the newspaper

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it's the newspaper version of, like, the Delilah show. Yes,

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it is wonderful. I love.

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Haley or Delilah. No. Yes. Also, like

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in New York City. Correct. Plain white tea. That's what you're wearing right

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now. Actually, I am the plain white tee.

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So here's how I would like this to go. I have

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queued up a few questions. Some of them I

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have found online from

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Yahoo. Questions and Quora, and some of them have been sent

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in from listeners of our podcast. And what

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I'd like to do is direct a question to a specific

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one of you, and I'd like for you to answer the question

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however you see fit. So if you feel like you have

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really good, solid advice that actually answers the question, go

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with that. If you feel like you have a

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funny response, go with that. And if

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you really don't even know what the fuck the question is about, go with

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that. Sounds like I need to have a few more drinks before I can

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continue. I don't know, just take a couple of shots.

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I'm speeding up right now. Come to you last.

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So I'm actually going to start

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with this is a list of the

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most viewed questions on

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Cora. So, Corey, I'm going to start with you.

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The most viewed question from 2020 to

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present is, how hard has

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puberty hit you?

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I know for me, every day I checked for

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chest hair and boy, howdy has it

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hit? Hard. Oh, yeah. I'm a very hairy individual.

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It's unbelievable. Not as hairy as Rob, mind you. All right,

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I have a follow up question, then. Do you think

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that a contributing factor to how hairy you are,

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is that you kind of willed it into existence during puberty because you wanted it

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so badly, you were checking every day and your body just evolved?

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I don't think so. I think that it was just genetics. My father is also

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a very hairy man. I see. It just kind

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of worked out that way. Again, not as hairy as Rob. Yeah, his

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dad does look like a tumbleweed. Rob is basically

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a goddamn wookie.

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Nice. What else do you remember? Anything

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specific? Like something that changed overnight with

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puberty? No, not especially. No, me

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neither. Rob,

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I have a really good question for you, but I'm going to skip you because

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I'm not sure if we're ready for that question yet.

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Yeah, keep drinking. It's going to be about masturbation, probably.

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Jimmy, here's the third most popular question

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from 2020 to now. Okay. How strict

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are your parents?

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One is

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like a six out of ten strict and

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the other is like a two and

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for our longtime viewers who have heard stories

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about my parents, I will let you guess which one's

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which. Yeah, I think that's all I got.

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Honestly, I don't have a very good response to

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that. No problem. I think Jimmy's mom was a six out of

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ten. She's still at least a

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six out of ten. She's the only

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ten I see. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. This question

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has evolved. All right, so the questions are going to get better. But

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Rob, I have to ask you the second most popular question from

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2020 to now. You ready? I was born

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ready. The question is simply,

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how lonely are you? I am not

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ready.

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Jesus. Just hitting it with a sledgehammer right away. Why don't you? My

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God. We weren't ready. I'm trying to think of how to actually respond to that.

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We're going to circle back around. Just put that in your pipe, smoke on it

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for a little while. Let me ask you a different question. So someone

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is visiting your country, which is America,

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and what should they absolutely not do when visiting your country?

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Shit in the streets. Okay. Anybody else have any

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advice for that one? What should someone not do when they're visiting America? Talk

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about bombs at the airport. That's a good one. Why is that

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Jimmy 911? Yeah.

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There it is. I got the 911 part into the. Podcast

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episode once again, three weeks in a row. Let's

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go. Because I've been here three weeks in a row. I like

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that everyone else got, like, extendo question with

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lots of time to answer plus follow up

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questions and say shit in the streets. And you're like, we'll come back to you.

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That's fair. You sounded definitively,

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you know, culturally, you know, if you think about it, some people shit in the

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streets, and that's not cool in America. Wait, what? Cultures shit in the

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streets, Rob? Yeah, agreed. I don't know if we should go. Over.

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Is do you think there's a country where you, a large

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white man, could go and shit in their

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street? Yes. Where?

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What country? They'd probably be like, buddy, what are you doing? But I would

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probably get away with it.

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I did the 911 thing, and Rob has been racist. Those are things

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we do every single episode. Hey, speaking of that, I

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know we just said that we did it three weeks in a row, but I

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don't know how closely you listened to last week's episode, but I am a

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fucking wizard when it comes to editing. Like,

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sometimes I just listen back and it's like, wow, really pulled that one

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off. And I left in the part where

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Rob said that when we were doing the flight simulator thing, jimmy

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can't be allowed to fly to New York. But I left

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out everything after that. That's a good.

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We were a little fringe with the last episode, and it sounds like this one's

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going to be similar. Unfortunately,

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so one of the listener questions.

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Corey, frozen or just really jolly? I think

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both. I think it's both. Frozen on a really good screen. Oh, he's

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back. But he's back. So, Corey,

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this is a listener question from someone who actually listens to our

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podcast. What is the strangest thing that you've seen a

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drunk guy who you didn't know do at a bar?

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Rob, can it be me? You're not a stranger

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and you know yourself. Yeah, Rob and Josh are safe.

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Yeah. The beginning of that question, I was. Like, don't do

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it. We haven't told that story before on the

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podcast. Nor will we ever. Yeah.

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Remember what I was saying about pooping in the streets? Also applies to

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Applebee's. True. Don't shit in

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the applebee's. Can we go to the next question and let

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me marinate on that for a little bit? Okay. Rob, you looked like you had

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a thought. Do you have a there

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there's been a couple of run ins that I've had with people at the bar

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where I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with that guy? But it's never been

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anything, like, notable. What? Corey, do

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you remember first time we went out, we went to Carolina Ale house, and there

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was that one guy that was like a fucking menace

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and was constantly coming up and trying to say hello and talk

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to us and all that kind of shit? Do you remember that guy? Oh, yeah,

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I do. Yeah, I can't remember. He was just kind of standard

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drunk. There wasn't any crazy drunkenness going on.

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But last time I was out and about

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at a location that offers karaoke in town,

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a man was adamant that I had cocaine and was like,

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bro, just sell it to me, bro. Come on, bro. And I'm

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like, man, I don't try 50. I was like, I really don't

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have coke, man. He's like, Come on, bro, I need it. I'm just getting out

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of the armed forces, and I'm back and I need it.

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And I'm like, Why do you need coke right now if you were

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just in Afghanistan, buddy? He said he was in the Middle East

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somewhere, but that's about as strange as it got for me.

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And then he tried to get in my car, and I'm like, get the fuck

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out of here, you drunk weirdo. I'd say the

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closest thing that I have would be we were out at a baseball

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game in Tampa Bay, and they were playing the Orioles. It

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was the opening weekend of the year, and it was game three

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of the series. And this

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guy was just being absolutely belligerent. And

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then he got taken down by, like, four police officers,

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like, five rows in front of me. Nice. To

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which my drunk ass started yelling, TASE him.

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That's amazing. Did they TASE him? They did

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not. Wish they would have said, Roger that, buddy, and just tased out

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of him. There was a sheriff that literally launched

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himself three rows to take this dude down

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was awesome. Good Lord. That was probably something to see.

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Some of my favorite nights have been the ones when Rob's been

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cornered by the Cougars at the bar. Like, the

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very clearly 55 to 65 year old ladies

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that are like, hey, baby, how are you doing?

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I don't know what it is, but older women really like me. That happened to

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me yesterday when I was selling a phone. She was like, I'll take you home

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with me. I'll make you a nice dinner, big boy. You can show me how

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to use this. And I was like, no, thank you.

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Please get your hand off of my arm. Okay, well, that's a pretty good segue

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into my next question for Jimmy. You ready, Jimmy?

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Yes. When is love a

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waste of time? So my gut

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response to that was always, yeah, Rob

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knows. I didn't even see Rob mouthing it, but it was

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always but I think that's because I'm very

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cynical about relationships, and that's been changing

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during my mental health renaissance during the

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summer. The jimmy saunts.

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Yeah, they call it that. Yeah,

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it's changing, but always yeah,

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it's always a waste. Do you think love is exclusively romantic?

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No, but you think all love is a waste of time

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anyway. Although it's changing. It is

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changing. So come back to me in, like, six months,

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okay. On the next episode of

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Dear Abbey Boys or whatever this is. Dear

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apple Boys Dear Abbey Boys is actually pretty great. Dear Abbey

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Boys is pretty all I. Did I did have a drunk experience to

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share. Okay. I was at

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Balnaroo, and I was in the center,

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like, main area. I was walking to go see Kendrick

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Lamar. I was running to see Kendrick Lamar because I was very

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excited and I wanted to be at the front. And halfway there, I stopped to

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go to the bathroom. Coming out of the bathroom, drunk person

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corners me and is trying to talk to me and the person

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I'm with, and I

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was under the influence of some psychedelics, and I was,

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like, in a fantastic mood. I was, like, ready to fucking go. Going to

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go see Kendrick. One of my favorite artists was just ready to go.

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I was, like, about to bolt. And the person I was with

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was very nice and was, like, indulging into this

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person trying to talk to us. This person. You know,

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when we did Edward 40 Hands no, it wasn't Edward

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40 Hands. It was one of the first really

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drunk ones where you guys are trying

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to drink the Power Hour. Power Hour. Jesus Christ.

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Couldn't think of it. Power Hour. And Rob decides to get existential as fuck

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at the end. Yeah. This person does that to

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me while I'm, like, at a ten out of ten mood

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level. Brought you way. I have to go see Kendrick. And they follow me

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to Kendrick because I'm like, hey, I said in a very nice way, I don't

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have time for this. We got to go see Kendrick because he's my favorite person

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ever. Got to go. And they follow us all the way

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there through the crowds, continuing to talk

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in this existential way, and I am losing my mind,

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bro. Killed your vibe. Yeah, and they won't leave us alone. And they were trying

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to talk to us the entire show, like, while Kendrick was

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performing. And I was actively trying to escape. I forgot about that.

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I'm still mad about it. You should have turned around and said, Bitch, don't kill

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my vibe. Yeah, that's what I was getting at. I'm glad you picked up on

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it. I actually made that joke to the person I was with. Like, I

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whispered in their ear. Yeah. Are you impressed that I pulled that one,

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Rob? I'm normally not hip enough for that kind of

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stuff. You're at least hop enough. Yeah,

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true.

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Oh, Corey, I have a question for you.

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All right. What's something that seemed innocent when you were a child, but now that

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you're an adult, it's actually inappropriate or creepy. Getting

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Corey into trouble here. Probably sack

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taps. We used to do that in high school where you just walk up and

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just be like, sack tap and punch a dude in the balls. Oh, my

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God.

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I've never heard of sack tap. That's amazing. It's

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really fun. We should bring it back. Oh, God, no. We should not do

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that. As the question stated, we now realize it's

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inappropriate. Since I don't work with you guys anymore, I'm just going to show

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up and sack tap.

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My two year old got hit in the balls for the first time a few

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weeks ago, and it was an enlightening experience. Yeah, he knows

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about it now. Nice. Got to protect the boys.

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Yeah. Back when I was in high school, there was a

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weird era where people were going around pancing each other.

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Yeah. Same behind them. And that did happen. Their pants. I never

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had any sack taps, so. That happened to me.

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I'd seen it a lot, but I'd never had it happen to me. And one

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day during PE class when I was wearing gym shorts, it happened to

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me. I wonder why it never happened to you, buddy. I know, right? Were they

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bigger than you? No, just a little guy. He snuck up

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behind me. But unfortunately, with how my

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pants were laid up, the boxers were, like,

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at the same level as the pants, so they pulled as hard as they could

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and just everything fucking came out. Oh, no. And dick and balls are

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flopping. This is a coed PE class,

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so there is free advertisement involved, but also it's

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not child porn. Well, I was

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16, so yeah, I guess so. Yeah, I think I was younger than that. I

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was probably 15 or 16. I don't know. Somewhere up in there. It was a

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cold day.

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That's unfortunate. The advert

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was a ruse. It was not a good

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advertisement. It did not represent the product. At least it's

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giving. Like, worst case scenario, it'll never be worse than

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this. Oh, worst case scenario is pretty bad.

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You know those turtles

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that have the long necks that really kind of come

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out, but if they're not out, it's like they're in,

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right? Yeah, it was in. Okay.

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Hey, Rob, what is the most wrong that someone has ever been

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guessing your age? Back when I

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was 16, I was

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at who. He was in gym class, and his gym

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teacher saw his penis and was, like,

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twelve. No, I was 16

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and I went out drinking with my dad one night.

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Sounds respectful. They thought I was, like, late 20s.

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Early I think they said late 20s, obviously.

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And the server thought that I was, like,

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friends with my dad, not his son. So

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that was weird. It was cool, though.

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Jimmy, do you have an answer to that one? The wrongest someone

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has ever been at guessing your age. I don't really have an interesting story to

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say. Before beard, people thought I

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was when I was, like, 20. They thought I was, like,

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16 post beard. And

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once people get to know me, they think I'm older than I am.

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That's all I got. That's fair.

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The next two or three are going to be just whoever has a good answer,

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so it's not to someone specific. I think Corey's probably going to be

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the one that answers this one first, but I could be wrong.

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The question is, how do you look when you dress up

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traditionally? Fucking awesome.

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You want to elaborate? Why is that? When I was going to my

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I might get fired meeting, I wore my wedding tux

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and I looked amazing. You sure did. True.

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All right. For former bullied

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kids, what did your bullies do when they met you as an adult?

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Any of those situations happen for any of you guys? Wait, can you

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repeat the question? For kids who were formerly bullied,

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what did your bullies do when they met you as an adult?

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I don't think I met any of my bullies as an adult because

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I moved far away from that land. Same for

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all the rest of you. I never really had bullies. I was same with

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Ronnie guy. Yeah, you either had bullies or you were the

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bully. That's the way it works. No, I mean, people called me fat

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and stuff all the time because I've been fat, like, my whole life. But that

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means you were bullied. I never considered that bullies because I would

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retort right back at them, and then we would become friends.

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Got you.

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I wasn't bullied, necessarily, but I kind

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of was. Everyone just saw me as the tall guy, and they were like, if

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we fight the tall man and win, we will be more popular.

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So that happened to me a lot, and I never met any of

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them when I was older, but there was one guy in particular

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that just fucked with me for two years, and I just kind of didn't do

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anything about it. I was like, whatever, this guy's not a problem.

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He's not a threat. And just one day, he caught me

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on a bad day, and he was on something. I don't know. He was high

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as fuck. And he walked up and did this.

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Didn't didn't hurt me at all, but he kind of did this little pat pat

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slap thing on my face. I lost my mind and power bomb that

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motherfucker on the basketball court. Nice.

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Courtesy of Captain Infano. Yeah. Basically, that's what

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happened.

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That's a nice callback to the water

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boy. Visualize an attack.

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What are some of the most important lessons you learned when you got

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mature? Just don't let things

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bother you if you fuck around. You will

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find out. You'll find you'll find out. Yeah. You will find out.

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Yolo. Okay. Yeah. I mean, treat

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every opportunity as a good one. Just take everything at

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least a little bit seriously, but don't take anything too seriously.

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I've got another serious one, and then I've got two Rob that

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will tie back to your shit in the streets section.

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A little less serious when we get to those. So the

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last serious one is, when was the last

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time you cried? And oh.

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Is this for everyone? Is this for everyone or just me?

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Whoever? Probably when Nana died.

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Because Nana died. Yeah. That's fair.

Speaker:

That seems was I

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was pretty much pushed to my breaking point in my

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previous relationship with an issue that we had just

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hashed over and over and over and over again. And

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I had a straight up panic attack, and that's when

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I cried. It was a rage

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cry, which hadn't happened in a while. That was,

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like, maybe eight months.

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Okay. Okay. Yeah. Rob.

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Yeah. It was, like, three days ago. Cool. Hell yeah,

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brother. Blood it out. So for a variety of

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reasons, but anytime I so I'm very bad

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emotionally, where I'll let stuff build up and really bother me over

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time, and if I don't do something about it, it

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gets bad and really affects me

Speaker:

all the time. So instead, I've been

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having scheduled grief sessions where I try to make myself as sad as

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possible. It seems to help. Hell, yeah.

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That sounds healthy. Opposite.

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No, it's actually a therapeutic thing, like,

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psychiatrists tell you to do that. It's a real thing. Yeah. You should just

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watch that chain smokers video over and over and over again then.

Speaker:

Yeah, I've been watching the music video for Happier by Marshmallow on

Speaker:

Repeat. All right, Rob.

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So these two questions there's a question and follow up. These are

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specifically for and these are

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these are not questions I made up. I want to make that clear. These are

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some of the most popular questions on this website. I see that they've been targeted

Speaker:

at mincrate. When is 5G coming to

Speaker:

India?

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That's a great question. Follow up

Speaker:

question. When will India be a developed country?

Speaker:

All right, so let's start with

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5G in India. Probably

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after they get four G.

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Oh, man. I would say

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something like, you should make that, like, the Twitter promo for this episode,

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but we can't do that.

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Oh, don't tell me what I can't do. We're not,

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like, on the comedian level to be able to do that

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publicly. But if it's hidden in the middle of the episode, it's

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fine, because only. Like, 28 people are

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going to hear it. Correct. And they'll love it. Yeah,

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they will. Miller Light is going to be like, damn it, these guys are

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great.

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And as far as when they'll be a developed country.

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Hmm.

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Next question. All right,

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Jimmy. When will China have a black president?

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Oh, my.

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Whenever we have to nuke. Oh, that's not a

Speaker:

real question. Whenever Stefan Marbury decides to

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run. Listen, these questions

Speaker:

are straight from the website. I didn't make any of these up.

Speaker:

Stefan Marbury is beloved. What is something that needs to be

Speaker:

said? He's either thinking really

Speaker:

hard or he's frozen. It's hard to just I'm frustrated by that

Speaker:

question. What do you mean? I've got a couple more India

Speaker:

questions.

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What are common scams in India? What are the biggest ironies in

Speaker:

India? I think Team Viewer is obviously the biggest scam

Speaker:

in India. I'm beginning to think

Speaker:

Korra or whatever may be heavily slanted

Speaker:

toward Indians and Indian questions.

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Yeah, it's because Indians are still using Quora.

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They just got it this year, and they think it's revolutionary.

Speaker:

So I saw the gears turning, and I was like and Rob was like,

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Is that too racist? Will I get in? Ah, fuck it. I'm going to say

Speaker:

it anyway. Corey, what's? What's a dark secret in your

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life? Do you have any that's one of the questions. Not especially,

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no. I'm pretty open. I'd

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say, Rob, you got any skeletons in your closet

Speaker:

you want to expose tonight? I'm trying to think of anything, like,

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Crucial. One time I was at my aunt's house

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visiting, and they didn't have a bathroom in the loft area, so

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I just pissed all over the floor and then blame my brother.

Speaker:

It's fucking awesome. Yeah. And I gaslit

Speaker:

him into believing that it was him. Oh, man. No,

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Rob is truly the star of this episode. I just want to point that

Speaker:

out. Is that bad? Yes.

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But also no. So I know that I'm the narrator,

Speaker:

but one summer I was at the

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beach with my family, and we always went to

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Myrtle Beach, and they have this shopping center called Barefoot

Speaker:

Landing. And I was

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not very old, but I was

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definitely way past, like he's potty trained at this

Speaker:

point. So I'd say I was like six, seven, eight, maybe

Speaker:

nine at the most. And

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the poop came on strong, and fast, and I was

Speaker:

unable to make it to the bathroom,

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and I shat myself, and I didn't know what to

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do because I couldn't drive. And we had all ridden in a van

Speaker:

together, and so I

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had to get my mom involved, and

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she gathered up the cousins that had ridden with us and the aunts and the

Speaker:

uncles and everything, and we all got

Speaker:

into the van together and rode back. And I was covered

Speaker:

in shit, and it smelled awful. I just stared off into

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the window and pretended that I hadn't shat on myself. And

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we've never talked about it to this day. In fact, this may be the first

Speaker:

time that I've ever publicly talked about it. That's amazing. I

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think when I was, like, maybe

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eight or nine, me and my dad were, like, walking to the tennis

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court near our house, which is maybe, like, a mile away, so it wasn't close,

Speaker:

but it wasn't far. And we get to the tennis

Speaker:

court, and my underwear and

Speaker:

shorts were, like, pretty loose. So while I was

Speaker:

walking, I was trying to hold it in, and it just kind of came out

Speaker:

once we got to the tennis court, and luckily it was, like,

Speaker:

balled up enough where it just kind of fell out of the shorts onto the

Speaker:

ground, and I just kept walking and nothing

Speaker:

stuck. So I just didn't say anything about

Speaker:

never, like, just like you, josh never said anything to

Speaker:

that. That is just like the guy from Kmart

Speaker:

whenever I was yeah, the guy in sporting

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goods. Yeah, I get it now.

Speaker:

Very specifically, we told you not to do this in

Speaker:

America. That's true. No street

Speaker:

shitting, do as I say. Not as I do type

Speaker:

situation. It was in the grass at least.

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Hey, Corey. Yeah?

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Give me as many as you can. What are your ten laws of

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manhood? It's a lot of laws.

Speaker:

You have to know how to grill. Okay. You have to

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be willing to do manual labor,

Speaker:

but be man enough to admit when you don't want to do

Speaker:

it. I feel like

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sports is a pretty big one. At least have a working

Speaker:

knowledge of it. Having a peepee

Speaker:

helps, but it's not required.

Speaker:

Yeah. 2023. You asshole. Of all the shit that we've said

Speaker:

on this podcast, that's the thing that's going to get us canned. That is the

Speaker:

worst one. Okay, cut that. Cut that. Then you have

Speaker:

to have a penis to be a man. You're shitting me. Leave it

Speaker:

in. Fuck it. Let the world

Speaker:

know that you're a bigot.

Speaker:

Anything about opening

Speaker:

doors for no, that's chivalry. That's not manhood.

Speaker:

I mean, part of the same. No, it's really not. The

Speaker:

first one is for you. The next one's for.

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Mm. Rob. Hey.

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What are the best ways to lose weight? Do

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amphetamines. That is true. Oh,

Speaker:

Jimmy, I found a question that is tailor made for

Speaker:

you. Fantastic. What

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are some of the. Most unethical life.

Speaker:

Yeah. So the process is you go to Kroger,

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you walk hey, look through the automatic sliding

Speaker:

doors. No, Josh, hold on.

Speaker:

Okay. You go to the air filter section.

Speaker:

You grab two air filters because you want a

Speaker:

backup. Because every time I'm like, Shit, I should replace my air filter, I

Speaker:

never have one. So it's nice to have that backup just in

Speaker:

case. So you grab two of them and you're like, shit,

Speaker:

air filters are kind of expensive, but they're also really lightweight.

Speaker:

So you're like, man, this is only two items. I'm going to go through the

Speaker:

self checkout. And then you think to yourself, what if I just

Speaker:

held two of them and scanned one barcode

Speaker:

and put it on the weight thing because they're so lightweight that

Speaker:

it won't detect a problem? And then you hit the total

Speaker:

button and then you walk out the door. That's called a

Speaker:

life hack. I definitely thought that

Speaker:

you were going to add more value to this instead of just retelling the bogo

Speaker:

story, but I appreciate it either way. It's for the viewers that

Speaker:

missed that very important episode where you could

Speaker:

learn how to life hack. We don't have any goddamn viewers.

Speaker:

Well, listeners is what we have. Hey,

Speaker:

Corey, got a question for you. Yeah.

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What turns people off about Korra?

Speaker:

Probably all of the Indian jokes. That's what I was going to say.

Speaker:

I was just going to say all of the Indians. When will

Speaker:

she show? Bob and vajine.

Speaker:

Hey, Rob. Hey. What are some examples you can think

Speaker:

of? Great examples of coincidence.

Speaker:

I don't really think about coincidence on a daily basis. I'd have to

Speaker:

think about a situation where I was like, wow, what a coincidence. Okay, well, then

Speaker:

what's the saddest truth about life?

Speaker:

Oh, God. Jesus Christ. Back to

Speaker:

existentialism. Are we that we're

Speaker:

all going to die? It doesn't even matter. Yeah,

Speaker:

it's not even that we are. All going to die. Because when you think of

Speaker:

we, you think of yourself first.

Speaker:

That's what I think anyways. When I think we, it means me and other

Speaker:

people. But if you think about it, everyone that you know and love will

Speaker:

die. You may not be here for it, though. Except

Speaker:

for me. I'll be a robot someday. Hell, yeah.

Speaker:

Seriously. If they start to perfect the robot. Shit,

Speaker:

I'm a hundred percent putting my brain in a robot body day one.

Speaker:

Yeah, same. Jimmy, what is the bravest thing that

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you've ever seen someone do? I need a second.

Speaker:

Anybody else got something for that? Off the top of their head off the dome.

Speaker:

Does things I've seen on the Internet count? Sure.

Speaker:

You're talking about that guy that scaled the outside of the building and saved that

Speaker:

child? No, that was crazy. You know what I'm talking about?

Speaker:

Yes, that was wild. Like the mothers

Speaker:

lifting cars off of their children. I've read about that, but have

Speaker:

you ever actually seen a video of someone do it. It's real.

Speaker:

Okay, but you haven't seen it.

Speaker:

Maybe I have. Okay, cool. Sounds

Speaker:

good. I honestly can't think of one. That's fine.

Speaker:

Anytime I see a man doing

Speaker:

what's right and what's correct for his country, I think, wow, what a

Speaker:

brave guy. God bless

Speaker:

our troops. All right, so I have one more

Speaker:

of these and then we're going to be done. We switch into Yahoo

Speaker:

answers after this. No segment's going to be

Speaker:

over. Well, I don't feel like we've gotten very far. We

Speaker:

haven't heard one Bobber Vijin question. What about, how

Speaker:

do I tell if I'm pregnant? Are you

Speaker:

pregnant? Gregnant,

Speaker:

last question. Is there

Speaker:

life after death?

Speaker:

No. No. Probably.

Speaker:

What? And that's our episode. No, I'm just kidding.

Speaker:

So before I ask the audience

Speaker:

what they thought, overall, kind of a fun change of

Speaker:

pace or no, maybe too long, probably. I mean, we basically

Speaker:

did an entire episode of this.

Speaker:

I liked it. I think that's very engaging for the

Speaker:

viewer or the listener.

Speaker:

Yeah. And I enjoyed it. It was good. So

Speaker:

I personally think it would be more fun

Speaker:

if the questions

Speaker:

all came directly from our listeners. Agreed.

Speaker:

Yeah. What I would like to do is bring

Speaker:

back the Dear

Speaker:

Abby Boys segment in a future episode, but

Speaker:

I'd like it to be curated from questions from our audience. So if you

Speaker:

have questions that you'd like to have answered in our next Dear Abbey

Speaker:

Boys segment, please email

Speaker:

hello at Appleboys us.

Speaker:

That's hello at

Speaker:

Appleboys us. And while we're talking about it,

Speaker:

I swear to God, if there's a Dear Abby Bros

Speaker:

segment in any particular podcast that

Speaker:

also listen to us, I swear to God I'm going to come burn your fucking

Speaker:

house down.

Speaker:

We apologize if you were offended by that aggressiveness. Rob has a

Speaker:

touch of the. I'm disabled. I

Speaker:

can't help. Fun. That

Speaker:

was fun. Thank you for the suggestion, Mike. He actually

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suggested a couple of other things that we

Speaker:

plan to do. Guys,

Speaker:

I assume not because you guys all suck and don't get on the discord very

Speaker:

often, but have you read his other suggestions? Yeah, I did.

Speaker:

Fuck your face. I have not fucked my pretty

Speaker:

active recently, but I have not seen that. I've been busy with work. I apologize.

Speaker:

He has his gummy roulette. Everybody picks a gummy

Speaker:

THC from zero to over 9000. You don't know what you're going to get and

Speaker:

you see where the night takes you. Fuck, yeah. I love that. Let's

Speaker:

go get Robert's face. Like, I'm fucking

Speaker:

ready. Yeah, I think that's a good idea. Me and Robert hoping

Speaker:

for the 9000 while you guys are like, oh, no.

Speaker:

I'm hoping for the welches. Yeah.

Speaker:

The third one is Peewee's secret word. Every Apple boy writes down

Speaker:

a secret word on a note card at the beginning of the podcast. Whenever another

Speaker:

Apple boy uses that word for the first time, they have to chug a full

Speaker:

beer. You can decide if they get to pick a new word after. Also need

Speaker:

to decide if words have to be generic or if words can be targeted specifically

Speaker:

to someone's common vocabulary or not. That's incredible. That's

Speaker:

perfect. Everyone's going to write, go

Speaker:

ahead. But I think we need a moderator. Yeah,

Speaker:

I don't know that we can do that without a moderator. Agreed.

Speaker:

Also, I think that's a game that would be better played in person. A lot

Speaker:

of this stuff is fine remotely, but I think that's one

Speaker:

that. We get together and record fucking the first word would be,

Speaker:

like, for all three of you

Speaker:

for my word. And I'd have to chug three beers in the first, like, 30

Speaker:

seconds of a goddamn episode. Probably. You

Speaker:

said it.

Speaker:

Topic suggestion is just one of the many fun features you get from

Speaker:

being a patron. You also get to interact

Speaker:

with us in private channels on Discord, where you get

Speaker:

even less engagement than normal. That was so smooth, Josh.

Speaker:

Where you can talk to even less of the Apple Boy.

Speaker:

We usually have. It's like when you went to that Tool concert, that

Speaker:

was like backstage access, and it was like, meet some members. Of

Speaker:

Tool and there was a screwdriver.

Speaker:

Yeah. There have been other benefits, though.

Speaker:

So lots of our

Speaker:

patrons got some swag at some

Speaker:

point. We've taken several Apple

Speaker:

Boy exclusive trips to

Speaker:

Disney. We went to Topgolf.

Speaker:

We went to

Speaker:

Applebee's. We've been all kinds of places. So make sure you sign

Speaker:

up. Applebee's. Make sure you sign

Speaker:

up@biasmillerlight.com.

Speaker:

Take her someplace special, applebee's. I'm actually not

Speaker:

intending to wrap the episode right now. It's just leading naturally into all

Speaker:

these different little plugs. It's so natural. I'd love to know. Does it seem

Speaker:

forced at all? It's very natural. It's just

Speaker:

rolling off the tongue. So what's been up?

Speaker:

How's your daughter?

Speaker:

Pardon? What? You have kids? We do

Speaker:

not. What is the reference? Stan. What's

Speaker:

been up, man? How's your daughter? Yeah. Okay. I'm about to be a father.

Speaker:

Yeah, I mean, we did the

Speaker:

Barbenheimer double feature. We did do that. That was

Speaker:

actually Barbenheimer double feature followed

Speaker:

by the Temptations musical, which was also

Speaker:

fantastic. Yeah. It was a very long day,

Speaker:

though. It was very long. I was very thankful to be home and in my

Speaker:

bed when all was said and done. But a lot

Speaker:

of time in theater. Chairs, so

Speaker:

spoiler free. Oppenheimer

Speaker:

thoughts? It's

Speaker:

explosive. Nice.

Speaker:

Did you like it? I did. I loved it. I didn't think it was worth

Speaker:

the hype. I'm definitely not going to go see it again with you guys

Speaker:

when you go see it in the 70 millimeter. I almost

Speaker:

canceled my 70 millimeter ticket. Oh, my

Speaker:

God. Two things I didn't want to bail

Speaker:

on rob and Jimmy. And also,

Speaker:

I think that's the way it's intended to be seen, and I don't think I'll

Speaker:

ever get another opportunity to see it that way again. So I'm just going to

Speaker:

just going to do it. I just don't

Speaker:

really see what it's going to add.

Speaker:

I can tell you that the hateful eight in

Speaker:

70 millimeter was like a

Speaker:

legit experience. I bet there's a lot of wide

Speaker:

shots and stuff in that movie and it would take

Speaker:

advantage of the extra girth, if

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you will.

Speaker:

Where would you rank it as far as

Speaker:

Christopher nola movies? Would you put it in the top five? I don't think it's

Speaker:

close for me. I don't think it's in the top five. No, I'd

Speaker:

say it's probably how many. Movies does he have?

Speaker:

1212. Yeah, it's probably

Speaker:

eleven. Wow.

Speaker:

What's number twelve? Tenet. Fuck. You

Speaker:

okay? I was just making sure that you were actually wrong.

Speaker:

God, it's so intellectual. Oh, I

Speaker:

watched Christopher Nolan suck his own dick for 3 hours. It was great. A

Speaker:

movie is fucking awesome. I don't care what you say. It's so hard

Speaker:

to follow. It is completely undigestible.

Speaker:

I didn't have a problem with it. So what did you think of Barbie?

Speaker:

Corey loved Barbie. Probably the best movie I've

Speaker:

seen this year thus far. Really? Yeah. Oh my God.

Speaker:

Are you serious? I really enjoyed it.

Speaker:

I do not feel the same way.

Speaker:

Do you hate women? No. Do you?

Speaker:

No, I don't. That's why I loved it so much. I thought

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it was fine. I thought it was great. Best

Speaker:

movie of the year so far. Yeah. That's insane. Now keep in

Speaker:

mind I only started going to see movies like a month ago.

Speaker:

Maybe it's like that and the Spider Man movie are fighting for

Speaker:

that number one spot for me. And you have not

Speaker:

seen the new Mission Impossible

Speaker:

movie, right? Yeah, I did. Did you? Yeah. You liked

Speaker:

Barbie better than that? Yes. Keep in mind that's like a

Speaker:

part. One and it's I know. No, regardless,

Speaker:

it's awesome. That's probably number three for me that

Speaker:

I've seen this year. What about?

Speaker:

Did you see John Wick? Four or cocaine? I haven't watched John Wick

Speaker:

Four yet. John Wick four was pretty good. It's on John. I've heard that

Speaker:

I saw Cocaine Bear and I was not super impressed with it. But

Speaker:

cocaine beer was fine. It was a fun one time watch, but never

Speaker:

again. I was Marijuana Bear for that same

Speaker:

kind of fell asleep.

Speaker:

I went to a local brewery before

Speaker:

I went to go see that movie. And I had been

Speaker:

drinking at the brewery.

Speaker:

Yeah. Weird, right?

Speaker:

I'm what they call a mug club member. So I get

Speaker:

huge pores of everything. But they're only supposed to

Speaker:

overpour you by like 4oz of what they would normally pour. They

Speaker:

had a ten and a half percent stout that they were giving me the full

Speaker:

20 ounce pores of. Oh my God. And I

Speaker:

was feeling pretty good when I

Speaker:

left, but I was not anywhere near the level I was by the

Speaker:

time that we sat down at Mellow Mushroom. We sat down at Mellow

Speaker:

Mushroom. I was just like, I ought to keep it together.

Speaker:

Oh, boy. They need to bring that bread to the table right now.

Speaker:

My wife was none too happy. I had a similar

Speaker:

experience at Mellow Mushroom this year. Oh, yeah?

Speaker:

Who was with you on that? Oh, it was maybe

Speaker:

you. I was not keeping it together.

Speaker:

There's a very fine line with you. You're either completely together or not

Speaker:

at all. Yeah. You just fall off a cliff, man.

Speaker:

Yeah. It sneaks up on you. It happens fast,

Speaker:

too. This poor 16 year old

Speaker:

named Braden or some shit. Do you remember the question

Speaker:

earlier about what's inappropriate now that you're an adult, you need to shut

Speaker:

up.

Speaker:

Begging for cookies. Yeah, begging

Speaker:

for cookies. And then the waiter guy looked over at me

Speaker:

like, should I give him one? Like, I'm his fucking dad.

Speaker:

Can he have a cookie?

Speaker:

And the best part of that is

Speaker:

I campaigned the entire time to get a beer,

Speaker:

and then it finally came to the table, and I didn't even drink. You didn't

Speaker:

want it? Yeah, I remember that. It's not that I didn't want it. I just

Speaker:

don't think I was aware that it existed. Oh, you were

Speaker:

aware? You're like, I'm not going to drink this. I'm

Speaker:

like, Are you fucking kidding me? That is how Josh he just

Speaker:

turns into a toddler.

Speaker:

Yeah. Hey, Rob. Hey. How

Speaker:

many days till Christmas? 150.

Speaker:

What? Thought that was just a math challenge. It

Speaker:

is a math challenge. I counted really quick. It's 150.

Speaker:

Days away.

Speaker:

Are you shitting me? Google it. I did.

Speaker:

Rob and I are going to become small before Christmas.

Speaker:

We tried this. Yeah, we've played this game before. What

Speaker:

are you talking about? You swept it under the rug. What are you talking

Speaker:

about? What are you talking about? Exactly? Show us the emails.

Speaker:

I'm going to hack your email server and expose this whole fucking thing.

Speaker:

Where's the laptop? No, they got

Speaker:

the laptop. That's why fucking Marjorie Taylor Green showed nude

Speaker:

pictures of Hunter Biden during a,

Speaker:

like, press conference. Speaking of MTG,

Speaker:

did you see the congressional hearing where they

Speaker:

were testifying about the UFOs and aliens and stuff? I did. Yeah.

Speaker:

It was really good. It's been pretty sweet. I watched TikToks.

Speaker:

Yeah. My favorite was like,

Speaker:

are we prepared as far as weapons go for the aliens?

Speaker:

And I was like, Absolutely not. You will

Speaker:

not be close. Literally be in a category four

Speaker:

hurricane and not be moving at all. And then they can go up to

Speaker:

space and come right back, and they can move really fast

Speaker:

and stop on a dime. And we don't have the technology. So

Speaker:

speaking of that, do you guys think it's all, like kind of woo woo bullshit,

Speaker:

or do you think they're trying to distract us from something

Speaker:

else? What do you think is going on there? Because we'll probably never

Speaker:

know, but I. Think the only reason that they'd reveal something like

Speaker:

this right now is to

Speaker:

distract from something else that's going on. To add

Speaker:

budget to the military budget

Speaker:

or because there's like an imminent threat that they know about. That's

Speaker:

what I going to be here and we can't do anything about it. Yeah, that

Speaker:

imminent threat is probably just another country. It's probably not extraterrestrials.

Speaker:

Maybe technically it hasn't been confirmed

Speaker:

that they're extraterrestrials. They are just non human intelligence.

Speaker:

So the running theory is that it's goddamn mermaids.

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How do you get to mermaids? The ocean is mostly unexplored,

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so if it was to be terrestrial, chances are it comes from the

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water. Yeah. The submarine explosion woke up

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a submarine explosion woke up this beast that's

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been. Sleeping fur into the war.

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Man, I'm so excited to see Death clock, guys. Yeah, me

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too. It's possible. I think that's the most

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likely thing. Or maybe they're from another planet. I don't

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fucking know. I don't think that they want to do anything bad to us.

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Otherwise they probably would have already. Yeah, that's kind of my

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thought also is if they wanted to inflict

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pain, they can. Unless they're up there,

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like, oh my God, have you seen house pricing

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recently? We must bomb them immediately.

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That's my alien voice. Sorry. Yeah, it is.

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So what I was going to say, which is

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maybe less stupid, is

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when we go to the zoo, we like to

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watch the tigers and the lions and stuff like that. And we don't

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want to hurt them. We want them to have a good life and we want

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to give them food and want to watch them be

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majestic creatures. But if they get out

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of line, they're getting shot. Right? Like, if they get out of

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the cage and start eating children, they're going to get

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shot. Right. And so if we are the

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tigers and the lions in this case, then

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when we get out of line, we're going to get shot. What do you think

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getting out of. Line is for us billionaires just going

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up to space? Maybe that

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all right. Maybe developing technology that we're not supposed to have for another 1000

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years. What if the reason that this has

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all come to light at this point is because they are water

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based and they found with definitive

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proof that the submarine did not

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lose pressure, but instead was attacked?

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The Titanic submarine. Yes. That'd be

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fucking incredible. I need like a cocaine bear

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level movie that describes this.

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There's a non zero chance of that being real.

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Yeah. Anything that can happen will happen.

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There's a parallel universe where that happened if it

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didn't happen in this one already. Do you think there are actually

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plants, like alien plants in

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society? Elaborate.

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You mean like people walking amongst us.

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That are actually aliens? Aliens? No,

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we're just ordinary people. I'd say it's a pretty

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strong chance. I think maybe that guy from counting

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Crows. You seen

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that motherfucker or what's his name? Mark

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Zuckerberg? Yes. Well, that guy I was going to say

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Mitch McConnell. Pete Davidson might be an alien. He

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very well might be. Have you guys seen all the Mitch McConnell memes? He has

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the dong. My God. No, I haven't seen any Mitch McConnell.

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Memes. I've also not seen Mitch McConnell memes, but I know what you're talking about.

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They're so it's. It's some top tier

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memage. Gotta look it up. Did you know that at

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Slash Apple Boys we have a Memes and LOLs channel where you could share some

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of those? I'll post them in there. Cool. Do you think aliens

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were like, building Pete Davidson and they were like, Humans

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seem to like these wieners? Let's make it 13

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inches.

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Maybe that's what his crippling depression is about, that he can't go

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home. Every time he gets a boner, he fucking passes

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out. Speaking of, did you guys see the meme that I sent you

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earlier that had the Never Judge a Book by its cover

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was in the Group thread? Yeah, I did.

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It was very funny.

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Nice. Yes, I did see that. I looked at it for a while. It was

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good. Oh, you looked at it for a while? I did, yeah.

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Nice. So if you want to see Jimmy's

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memes, go to Slash appleboys. If you want to stay up

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to date on all of our latest episodes and listen from our website, you can

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go to appleboys us. Don't forget,

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send us your questions at hello at appleboys us.

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Sign up for our patreon biasmillerlight.com. Follow

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us on all the social media accounts at Appleboyspod.

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Same handle on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram,

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TikTok. I believe that there is a

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possibility in the not so distant future you might start seeing a

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little more activity on TikTok and

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Instagram, specifically with some short form video

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content. No firm commitments

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yet, but that might be forthcoming, especially if I can talk

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Jimmy into doing it. And with that, I bid you a

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very happy tonight. Happy tonight,

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happy tonight, yeah, happy

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tonight.

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Yeah. We just got through telling some wild tales and sipping

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no Miller Light. Josh. Corey. Robin. Jimmy was entertaining tonight.

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Inappropriate humor and beer guzzling is the vibe on the Apple Boy

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Apple Boy Apple Boys podcast, Happy tonight

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check dig. That concludes this episode of Apple Boys

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podcast. Make sure you check out the website at www.

Speaker:

Dot appleboys. US and on patreon at

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www.biasmillerlife.com.

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Yeah. Apple Boy. Apple Boy.

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